I Am Everywhere. At Once. LIFE.

I have so much on my mind
So much I need to get done
So much I WANT to get done
So much I want to say
So much I want to type
So much I want to SING.
I'm happy
I'm excited
I'm ECSTATIC
But I'm also a bit resigned
And more than a little overwhelmed.
No, nothing new
Nothing exciting
Nothing extraordinary going on in my life.
It's just LIFE.
So much of it right now.

How do I balance what I need to do
With what I want to do?
How do I incorporate my real friends
None of which are here with me
Into my real life
While still allowing them the freedom of their own real lives
With the real friends that they have?
How do I incorporate my imaginary world
Which is always with me
Into my real life
Without neglecting my real life?

How do I get everything done
How do I say everything
How can I type it all
How can I hit the right notes
If I'm everywhere at once?

2007 New Year's Resolution

I wrote this in December of 2006. This was my New Year's Resolution for the year of 2007. Did I ever truly reach my goal? I don't think so, because if I would have, I think I'd remember who it was. I think I'd remember changing someone's life. Either way, this is what I wanted that year. I might not have achieved it, but it was admirable enough that I do want to remember it.


I thought about this for a really long time... each year I never follow through with my New Year's resolution... usually because it's something stupid like, "I want to have the hottest body ever!!!" lol. But this year I really thought about it, and I want to do something nice. I want to change someone's life...

My New Year's resolution is to make a new friend. Not just some random person I meet, but someone sent to me, like an Angel. I want to be there for them when they need someone, whether as a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to talk to--someone to listen. I want to support them in their decisions, whether or not I agree with them. I want to ask them how their day is going, and really listen to what they have to say. I want to be their "rock"... the one thing in their life that they know will always be there for them. I want them to know they can trust me, I want to keep their secrets. I want to be the person they can open up to with everything, and know that they are safe with me. I want to form a bond... not a quick made, easy broken "you were my friend while you were here" bond, but a true, strong, unending bond of friendship and love. I want to change someone's life... by being the best friend I can be. I want to be someone's guardian Angel.

Life is Like a Flower (Depression)

I wrote this a very long time ago; July 14, 2007. This was about a month and a half before I was discharged from the Navy, and I believe this is when my depression really started to come out. This is also five years before I got on medication; I don't feel this way anymore, and it just goes to show how extremely different your mind thinks when it is depressed and when it is back to normal.


A long time ago, someone told me that life was like a flower. I always pictured myself as one of the garden flowers form Alice in Wonderland. I didn't know what they meant--I just thought it was a fun little world to imagine being in. But now I'm finding out, life really is like a flower. Maybe a nuclear submarine is a weird place to discover the similarities, but it's so much more than that now.

I can just picture a cute, purple flower--the kind little kids first learn to draw. It's alive, but it needs sunlight, water, and love to keep it healthy. Sunlight I see as happiness. Staying positive. Motivated. Water I see as sadness, stress, and the general "down side" to life. It seems horrible, but a little bad shows you that you really need to appreciate the sun, the good times, and to love what you have while it's here in the little time life gives you. Love... that one should be obvious. It's the support you need from family and friends that keep you going, that give you a reason to wake up each morning, and to pray for each night.

If I were that flower, I have my love. My family, my husband, and all my friends and co-workers that help me when I need it most. But I feel as if it started raining and never stopped. All I want is a little sunlight... I almost don't remember what it's like. I can see the other flowers, bathing in sunlight, bright as can be. And here I am, drowning. I don't even feel like a flower anymore... I feel like a weed. No one in their right mind wants an annoying, ugly weed in their garden. I want to be a flower again--I want the sunlight again. By the time the rain lets up, the sun will have set and I will be nothing but a wilting weed, old and forgotten by everyone but the bugs, all alone in the dark.

Missing You

Verse One:
I remember sitting with you
Staring at the star-filled sky
I remember the first day we met
You had that twinkle in your eye
But was it just a dream
Did it happen at all
You haven't talked to me lately
You don't even return my calls

Chorus:
Missing you on a night like this
Missing you feels like I'm all alone
Missing you when the sun shines bright above
Missing you I think I'm starting to fall in love
I know it might sound crazy and
I know it may sound strange
I think I'm falling in love with you

Verse Two:
If only I could tell you how I really feel
If only our love could just be for real
You know I'd do anything to keep you at all costs
So why can't you return my love
From now on-- 

Chorus

There are just so many times
I can try to say I'm sorry
There are just so many things
I can do to make that clear
Missing you on a night like this
Missing you felt like I was all alone
Missing you when the sun shone bright above
Missing you I think I started to fall in love
I know it sounded crazy and
I know it sounded strange
I think I fell in love with you

Whispers:
I'm sorry baby... I fell in too deep...
I won't keep falling.
I won't miss you anymore.

Little White Lie

Verse One:
I'm a millionaire
I've got a mansion
It's got twenty-seven rooms
And an indoor pool
Fifteen maids and a butler
And a thousand friends that think I'm cool

Chorus:
Well, Okay (okay)
Alright (alright)
Maybe I stretched the truth (just a little bit)
But what's the matter with a little white lie
When that's all I'm living with you

Verse Two:
I stay out all night long
I go to parties
I get everything I want
And have lots of fun
Drinking and chillin' all night long
And I'll do it all again when I'm done

Chorus

Would You Love Me More

Verse One:
I told you that I loved you
You said that you knew
So right away I had to ask
If you loved me, too
You looked down at your watch
And said you couldn't be sure
You told me you were running late
Then walked right out the door
Tonight as I'm lying in my bed all alone
I started asking questions
When you answered your phone

Chorus:
Would you love me more if I say
Everything you want me to say
Would you love me more if I did
All your chores each and every day
Would you love me more baby
Or would you love me at all

My Everything

Verse One:
My life was headed nowhere fast
I needed to get away
I felt like I'd be running forever
Then fate proved me wrong one day
We met at a lounge and hit it off
Saw a movie the next night
That was the night of our first kiss
Nothing had ever felt so right

Chorus:
You're my everything
You're the song my heart sings
And I want to spend forever
Wrapped up in your arms
You're my warmth when I'm cold
You're the rest of my soul
And I promised when I said, "I do"
I'll spend the rest of my life loving you

Verse Two:
Every moment spent with you
Was Heaven in disguise
The day you said those three little words
I said them back with tears in my eyes
We talked about our lives together
The future we had in store
Before I knew it you had one knee
On the Books-a-Million floor

Chorus

Verse Three:
Over time, we've laughed; we've cried
We almost said goodbye
but we stood strong through it all
Our love will never die
I don't know what I'd do without you
I'm so glad I'm your girl
And every night my mind takes me back
To the day you changed my world

Chorus

And I promised when I said, "I do"
I'll spend the rest of my life loving you