The Mountain and the Moon

There is a mountain in front of me. I can feel her presence.
She offers a challenge.
Do I sit at her base, and wonder what secrets she holds?
Observing her mysteries from afar teaches me nothing.
So I climb upward every day, higher and higher. I know not to look down.
It is a very long way down.
I am not alone.
Family, friends, and soulmates travel beside me.
They smile, and I am comforted.
Some I have always known;  some I do not know yet.
I near the top, and my surroundings begin to blur.
Nothing else matters now except the peak.
In the blur, I cannot focus.
I stumble, and fall back.
Not far. I can recover.
I look up. The blur is gone.
No, I see more clearly now than I first did.
The mountain has grown higher.
My fears strengthen.
My resolve slides into darkness.
I cannot do this alone.
I reach up for support from those who journey with me.
They are ahead of me.
They did not stop.
I am alone now, and I am weak.
I feel rejected, hated, and judged.
I feel lost, forgotten, and unworthy.
Are these my emotions?
I feel myself begin to mirror the accusations.
I judge myself, I hate myself, I reject myself.
I look up. The moon hangs beyond the peak.
She is wise. I can see her light.
She offers guidance and patience.
Do I attempt to climb higher, with her aid?
I do not want to be forgotten again.
She sings to me the song of the stars.
Perhaps I am not as alone as it seems.
She smiles, and I am comforted.


Benedetto sia la luna.
)O(

Something I Can't Touch

Day and night I think of you
I need you more each day
I want to tell you so much
But it's just so hard to say
Writing notes and sending gifts
Can't tell you how I feel
I need more time to show you
To prove to you it's real
I love spending time with you
I didn't know you cared so much
I'm not sure if you love me
'Cause it's something I can't touch
But I hope one day I'll know
So I can show you, too
How much I truly care
Just how much I love you

Every Day

Every morning when I wake up
I cry because you're not there
Every time I see you
I cry because I can't hold you
Every day I cry
I wonder why I want you
Is it because you look so good
And I know I can't have you
Or is it because you're so sweet
And you always know what to say
I think I want you because you're perfect
Not for what you've done
And not for who you are
But for what you do now
And for who you want to be
but you're in love
And no matter how much I want you
You want someone else
So every day I leave you
I cry because I don't have you
But every time I close my eyes
I smile because I know you're happy

Evil

Each day is a ritual
From Hell
I rise to summon the Demon
At the right hand side
Of the Devil
He guides me
And I am evil
Then he lays me in Heaven
To sleep as an Angel
Wherefore I am
He only knows
My life is his own

I Am

I am lost and alone
I wonder if things could have been different
I hear my parents arguing
I see them coming apart
I want to love and be loved
I am lost and alone

I pretend we are still a loving family
I feel that fantasy slipping away
I touch reality and see the truth
I worry I will suffer the same fate
I cry when things fall apart
I am lost and alone

I understand I am still very young
I say I have my whole life to find happiness
I dream of how wonderful my future will be
I try to remember I control my own destiny
I hope to remain in control
I am lost and alone

Looking

I saw you look at another girl
And jealousy filled my head
Instantly I got an image
Of you taking her to bed
You smiled as she walked up
While I took a step back
You looked at me and I felt you saw
Everything she has that I lack
We both had work to do
So you said you'd call me later
When you waved at her and left
I knew I was starting to hate her
As you walked away
My eyes filled up with tears
Losing you and losing love
Are two of my greatest fears
I washed away my sorrow
As past conversations came to mind
I remembered a saying you told me to think of
When jealousy had me in a bind
"If there's one thing that aids the prevention
Of jealousy's heartbreaking plight
It's not who you see through the day
It's who you come home to at night"
It really got me thinking
I do the same "glancing," too
I don't mean anything by it
But do you think I do?
I guess looking IS harmless
It's nothing more than that
If we trust each other enough
We know our love won't fall flat
So you can look at whoever you want
And I know it'll be alright
As long as when you come home
It's me you'll be holding tight

Mistake

Baby I'm sorry I hurt you
I didn't mean to make you cry
I'll be regretting this
Until the day that I die
I want to take it all back
But life only goes one way
I want you to forgive me
And you just might someday
Someday is not here yet
So right now I'm crying
And with each passing day
It feels like I'm dying
I made a huge decision
I thought I was right
I guess I made a mistake
That left me alone at night
You don't want me back
There's only one thing left to do
Yet no matter how hard I try
I just can't get over you

Pushed

I fell
Not to say in love
But perhaps out of love
I dreamt of freedom
No longer being captured in his gaze
Free of the creature
The infamous jealous
Which clawed through my soul poisoning my every thought
I fell
Fell into darkness
Fell to the rich welcoming
Flames of Hell
I sold my soul to rid him of her
Demons
Which tortured her as jealousy had tortured me
I fell
Out of love
But no--deeper in love
Jealousy my closest friend
I hid this beast from him
Yet not careful enough as we said our last goodbye
He turned from me only to embrace
She that brought this creature to me
Jealousy mockingly moved on to another
Poor unfortunate soul like myself
I fell
Depression consumed me
I was falling
Too far for hope
I no longer saw the light
I am falling still
I realize now I did not fall
I was pushed
But to fall so far
There must be an end
A friendly ledge to save me
Perhaps I will be able to climb out
Start life over
But never again will I stand so near the edge of
Unrequited love

The Things You Do

Hey there honey-
How are you?
Thought I'd write a little letter
About all the things you do.
About how I'm the one who's wrong
'Cause I don't hang out with your friends
How you ignore me when they're around
And that's when our time together ends
when I actually get you alone
You always seem so sad
I feel like somehow it's my fault
But if I ask you, you always get mad
I feel like I'm losing you
You practically say it by the look in your eyes
It's times like that when you say you love me
And it sounds like nothing but lies
I cry myself to sleep at night
Wondering what I did wrong
Even though I know deep in my heart
You've been this way all along
But I knew what I was getting into
When you asked me out and I said yes
I knew true love wouldn't be easy
But I didn't think it would be such a mess
What scares me the most
That I could never understand
Is how you can take my heart
And hold it in the palm of your hand
They say we like people for their qualities--
And you have plenty of those
But they say we love people for their defects
The things not everyone sees or knows
With all the things you do
That I wrote about today
I love you even more
And I always will--come what may
I know that no one is perfect
I'm not asking you to be
But I want you to know that I love you
And I want to know that you love me

Untitled

As I gaze at the world I notice
Colors ablaze
As I stare at the sky I realize
This is my world
In a rainbow
Colors that are races
An endless circle that is the interior
Of the soul
After every storm I marvel
At God's Promise
My world
The rainbow

What is Love

What is love but another grain of sand in the hourglass.
With every turn of the glass, there is only a glimpse of our grain of sand until it is barely visible against all other sands of life.

What is love but a roll of the dice.
With every play we take a chance, though only one chance may change your life forever.

What is love but another word in a song, most times underestimated and sung off-key. Yet when put in the right song becomes a part of your heart and warms your soul.

What is love but I would not know, for it has broken too many hearts, so I have hidden mine.
But with all we've been through and all you've said, when asked what is love, I can think of nothing but you.

When

When I dream of your gentle caress
I shake
When I see you
I melt
When I hear you
I hear Heaven
When I am with you
I am entranced
When I feel you
I am secure
When your lips touch mine
I tremble
When I miss you
I cry
When I need you
I know you're there
When you want me
I am nervous
When I am nervous
I want you
When you love me you know
I love you